5 Reasons Your Parenting Needs Adapting

1. Different stages of development need different approaches.

 “Although the basic principles of good parenting stay the same throughout childhood and adolescence, the way you put these principles into practice should be adapted to suit your child’s stage of development.” - Laurence Steinberg

Put special effort into learning about each developmental stage BEFORE your child gets there. Just as a newborn cannot assume the responsibilities of a 16 year old, a three year old will need different discipline and mentoring than a six year old.

It's easier to think that parenting takes a "one-size-fits-all" approach. But this is where we are missing the mark for our children!

There are several areas that grow and mature when a child progresses through life. These are expressed in physical, mental, and emotional manifestations. The vast amount of change and adaption you will need to accommodate can be overwhelming. However, if you remember that a child's psychological development can often be predictable you can learn the cues and learn how to shift your teaching.

Yes, it will be frustrating at times to hear your toddler tell you "no," or have your teenager want their own privacy without bother after school. These same challenges that cause you frustration or stress, are the same ones that will enable and develop your child to become a confident, decisive adult.

2. Temperament varies between children.

As nice as it sounds to have all of your children possess a calm and relaxed temperament, that's just not the way life happens. Some children will be sanguine, some choleric, and some phlegmatic. None of these indicate that there is something wrong with them. They just tell you the ways in which your child will interact and respond to the world around them.

Children do not have a choice in their temperament. It is innate and natural. When our parenting tricks that worked for our first child somehow cause our second child anguish and rebellion, we need to change our approach and not force them into a mold they don't belong.

Laurence Steinberg concurs, "create situations that take advantage of your child's innate strengths and avoid those that accentuate his weaknesses."

3. Your child is unique!

We all know this. We all say this. So why don't we put it into our parenting?

Just like temperament varies between children, so do abilities. This means your rules and expectations of your children need to cater to each individual, not all of them collectively.

Find ways to make your child feel confident in their own skin. Refrain from comparing them to others in a put-down. Your goal as a parent is to make sure they succeed at being them.

4. Developmental transitions will need more patience.

As has been discussed, there are different stages that your child will go through as they age. Each stage brings about a profound maturity that was lacking in the one previous. But how do these stages occur? Is it overnight? It may seem so at times.

Development has growth spurts, just like physical growing does. One day it will seem like everything your child is doing displays a new level of maturity and the next, their back to the ways of the past.

These inconsistencies are natural and important. Development happens gradually, but also in bursts. This sometimes mean your child will take three steps forward and two steps back. Have patience with their path. It will be a struggle as their brain adjusts to the desperation for growth.

5. The role of a parent fluctuates.

This one may sting a little bit. You will not be your child's "one and only" forever! One day, it will feel like you're an old toy being put on the shelf and forgotten about. Why is this a good thing?

When you feel like you are no longer at the front and center of your child's life, understand that this is because they are learning how to form new relationships with those around them. This doesn't mean they love you any less. It may mean that your job is to assume a different role to play.

Your child will grow to take value from many sources other than you. Do not try to hold on to something that needs to run. Relinquish authority on the things your child needs to assume responsibility for. This is a crucial aspect to helping them become the adult that excels with confidence.

Embrace the new ways your child will need you to show up for them; it will make all the difference in how your child comes to love and respect you.

Resources

Steinberg, L. D. (2005). The ten basic principles of good parenting. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.

Understanding and Adapting to Individual Temperaments | Child Care Technical Assistance Network. (n.d.). Childcareta.acf.hhs.gov. https://childcareta.acf.hhs.gov/infant-toddler-resource-guide/infanttoddler-care-providers/planning-infants-and-toddlers-1

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